Goodbye 2005

Ankor Wat in Cambodia


2005 as certainly been a different year for me, which is an understatement to say the least!

I will give you a month by month blow of how the year panned out;

January
I began the year were I will finish it, in Bangkok Thailand. Thailand was in morning because of the Tsunami that had hit the Southern Beaches. I had planned to go to Koh Samui for New Year; Nuch however was worried about another Tsunami, so instead we went to Siam Reap in Cambodia. I was touched by the amount of phone calls I received asking if I was OK and if I’d been affected by the Tsunami.

February
My last normal month in the UK. My last full month at Reckitts in Hull.

March
A lightning four day trip to Thailand to see Nuch and a stop at the Landmark Hotel. One of the top Hotels in Bangkok. Most importantly of all is my decision to move to Thailand.
Ams Golf Trip

April
A fantastic four day trip to Mallorca with the AMS lads, a brilliant time. Good Golf and good nightlife. Another four day trip to Bangkok to see Nuch on her 30th birthday.

Goodbye Hull
May
Left Reckitts and moved back to Belper, I really enjoyed this time. It made me realised what a mistake leaving the area was in the first place. Lots of Golf with the Judge at Breadsall and plenty of nights out.
Goodbye Belper
June
Flew out of Heathrow and said goodbye to the UK, Flying Business Class with Thai Airways is the future. Moved into the Condo. The weather was well hot.

July
Settled in nicely, Nuch moved in full time. Went to Cha Am for a long weekend. A lovely place that I will be going to on the New Year. Also took a two week course in the Thai Language. Still shit at it now!
Cha Am in July
August
39th birthday, Phil paid his first visit. Had the usual top time getting pissed with him. Other visitors were Dave from Huddersfield and Chris from Hull. Got myself a job as well.

September
Heard that I didn’t get the job, Idiot changed his mind. Had a visit from the Burn’s from Hull, starting to get bored with nothing to do during the day. Went to Penang on my first visa run.

October
Quiet month, played a lot of golf as you would expect. Started to do a bit on eBay. Went to Pattaya for the weekend.

My Birthday Party

November
Another visit from Phil, went to Pattaya again. Started selling high end bicycle tyres on eBay. It went super crazy, looks like I’ve found a niche in the market, right tyres at the right price. More than making a living. Also went to Kota Kinabalu (Borneo) on a visa run. Beach at Penang

December The Condo in Pattaya
EBay going crazy, people even bought tyres on Christmas Day. Christmas was a very different affair in Thailand. Actually it was better, over with after December 25th. Looking forward to New Years Eve. Going to the World Plaza for the countdown, then off early doors for a couple of days in Cha Am.

2006
Who knows?

Remember to visit my sales sites, and spread the word.

Phil in Pattaya

My eBay Store

My Sales Web Site

What a whopper!

It is a fact that not many Asian Guys become Porn Stars! Don’t ask me what that means, but I came across this bloke having a pee on the golf course. Hands on hips, and with a whopper like that who wouldn’t.

I think there is a future for him in German Schitzer Movies.

Christmas Day

I was determined to have a traditional Christmas Day.

I had been planning the Christmas day dinner for a good month. I had managed to get hold of some Paxo, Bisto and Cranberry Sauce. A turkey was out of the question, basically because we have'nt got an oven. So on the day I bought 2 ready cooked chickens. The chickens cost the princely some of £1.00 each and smelled georgous. We also bought a kilo of King Prawns, just in case our Thai Guests didn't like the Farang fare i'd laid on. I think I did a good job with only one electris ring and a microwave oven.

Other food on the menu was Mashed and Roasted (Fried) Potato, carrot, Broccoli and cauliflower.

We took all the presents around to Nuch's Family, we bought the outlaws and Grandparents hampers, and the kids remote control cars which are great fun. Back to the house came two Uncles, two Brothers and three nephews, the Condo was solid.

I started on my present straight away. I'd treated myself to a bottle of Champagne. You dont want to know the cost! Pretty soon the bubbles began to work and I was swaying and slurring everywhere.

I think the meal got about 6-1/2 out of 10. I loved it and had the left overs for lunch on Boxing Day.

After the family had left, I carried on the usual Christmas Day tradition of lying on the sofa watching the Big Film and then falling asleep.

It was a wierd day, it was a normal day in Thailand, luckily it was a sunday and people weren't at work.

Merry Christmas Everybody

Merry Christmas to everyone that I know and to anyone who reads this Blog.

Happy new year to you all, I hope 2006 brings prosperity in all walks of your life.

A Special Thanks to;

Mum & Alan

For being my Mum

Phil, Sam & Jessica

For being the Best Mate in the World

Simon & Emma

For being a top Boss and a pair of good Mates

Del & Mendham

For being proof, good things do come out of Hull

The Judge

For understanding my sense of humour

Finally, Nuch

For making my life worth living everyday

Christmas Eve Golf

Carrying on the tradition of the last five years, I played golf today.

Usually I play with the AMS Dudes and some of their customers. This year I played with my good mate Kim and her Mother. I have also played at Breadsall Priory, this year it was the Royal Thai Army Golf Course.

The temperature was very different too, although it as been a little chilly here for the last week, it was still a pleasent 25C and sunny.

I had one of the best rounds i've ever played, four over at the turn and only needing to par the last to beat 80 for a round.
As I took my back swing I saw a wheel going past me at a good rate of knots, I realised it was one of the wheels coming off my game.

Nine shots later I finished the hole, if it could go wrong, it did.

It was still one of my best rounds by far. I was dissappointed not to be asked to play for Europe in the up and coming Royal Trophy against Asia next month. I put it down to Seve not having my new mobile number. Its on Jan 5-8th at a Country Club just outside Bangkok, I guess i'll just have to be happy to watch.

Its Freezin (Honest!)

This last week in Bangkok, a touch of winter as forced its way onto the scene. The temperature as dipped just below 20C. The Thai's have been getting the jumpers and coats out in droves.

Even Nuch got her fur lined quilted jacket out last night to wear this morning. She finally relented and only wore a cardigan.

All this time im laughing and saying the Thai's need to toughen up. This morning however, when I got up I had to admit it was chilly and put on a T shirt.

Nuch is seriously worried about coming to the UK, even in summer, she is convinced she will die from the cold. The concept of minus centigrade is totally alien to her.

Dried Fish anyone?

On our visit last weekend to Bang Saen we visited this huge market, all it sold was Dried Fish.

All sorts of dried food from squid, fish, prawn and a whole manner of shell fish.

Again not my cup of tea!

Party Popper in Hell!

I came across this little beauty at one of the local Shopping Malls. Not one of the girly ten for a quid from Big W, but a big bad Mutha-Fucker. I cant wait to let this big lad off and the other half dozen ready and waiting.

(Hopefully I have some fingers left to type the blog!)

Bangkok Life part 28

This week we picked the keys up to our new house. It as been a long and protracted affair. Although one that did not involve Solicitors. Which was nice. After signing all the papers for the bank, we headed to the District Land Registration Office. There after an incredible amount of signing the cheque, (Which I actually saw) was handed to a representative of the housing project. Nuch was then given a copy of the land ownership certificate and a little blue that looked like a saving book. This book as all the details of the people who live there, this book will stay with the house for ever.

We went round to the project and picked up the keys for the house. The house had been cleaned out and basics like toilet seats, shower head etc had been fitted. We had arranged for a company to give us a quote for security bars and mosquito doors to be fitted, the guy will also put six extra sockets in, plumb in the shower and kitchen sink, then wire up the cooker and shower. All of this including the security grills for a princely sum of £280. You wouldn’t get a sparky out of bed for that sort of cash in the UK.

I’ve leased a car for a couple of months; the new house is a good way from the Condo we live at now. The car is a Honda Civic Automatic. The cost is around £300 per month, a similar price to the cost per month of a new one. It’s amazing how you become a slave to car. For the last six months I’ve not had a car, now after a week I can’t live without one.

My new eBay business is up and down at the moment. Christmas is not the time people think about buying bicycle tyres. I think however that once people get paid in the New Year it will go mad for the up coming race season. Most of the tyres I sell now go to Australia were the racing season is in full swing. If you do decide you want a pair of high end bicycle race tyres then go to;

My eBay Shop

Thank you for the people who have sent me a Christmas card, much appreciated.

Bang Saen

Just North of Pattya, there is a resort called Bang Saen. It is a very popular and busy resort, the main difference is that 99.9% of the people enjoying are Thai. I was the only Farang that I saw amongst many 10,000s holiday makers.

It is very crowded, the beach is like a small town made from umbrella's, there is load of different food avaliable and as you would expect it is very cheap.

I must admit this was not my cup of tea, just too many people, very noisy and one of the first times i've felt like a foreigner in not a comfortable way. I dont think many foreigners would like it and this is probaly the reason the Thai's flock here.

Christmas is coming 2

I felt that I had to be beacon of light and even though i'm in Thailand, I have bought and put up a christmas tree.

Its only a three foot affair, but I think the sentiment is there.

Christmas is going to be very different to what i'm used to, although last year I spent it on a plane flying to Thailand and in the transit lounge in Bharain. Nuch will be at work from Boxing Day onwards, so there is little chance of going away.

New year should be a different affair, it is widely celebrated all over the East. So i'm looking forward to that more.

Lady Boys

For some reason this is the most asked for blog that i've ever written, most of the requests coming from the guys I used to work with.

Thai Ladyboys are famous all over the world, there are several variety shows based in Bangkok and some that tour the world, doing a review show of Broadway Musical songs.

I always get asked the set of questions, below are the answers;

1. They still mostly have their own tackle.
2. Men are the usual customers for the Lady Boy Prostitutes.
3. Hormone tablets and the occasional surgery.
4. Still says they are a man on their ID.
5. Its all done with mirrors.
6. They use the womens toilet.

Thai's refer to the Ladyboy's as Koetoi (Cat Toy), they are an excepted part of everyday life in Bangkok. Most large department Stores will have at least one working on the Perfume and Make up stands. Most Thai drama's will always have a Ladyboy in the plot and alot of the back room staff in TV and Theatre production are Ladyboys.

There is a dark side, we've all heard the Navy tales of a stopover in Bangkok, when one of the guys bought back a she male. I know a couple of guys who this as happened to (you know who you are). One of the guys went berserk and threw her out, the other just thought "Oh well". In all fairness you would have to be really pissed to get mixed up, mostly you have to go to specialised bars to pick up a Lady Boy and there are several obvious things that stand out;

Wider shoulders than hips
Way too much make-up
Deep voice
Over the top clothing
Good knowledge of football.

Also some Keotoi have a bad reputation for stealing and violence to get what they want from some pissed up Farang. I myself had a run with a pair of dudes on the Subway, they were in the process of picking this guys pocket across from me. When I pointed it out they turned on me like a couple of hell cats, following me off the train and giving me a load of grief, one actually pushed me in the back, for some reason when I grabbed them by the throat and gave them my leave me the F*** alone speech they started crying, so I let her go. Then the Sod started on me again.

Below is a place you dont want to visit, so remember to always wear a condom......

Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Thai Food is hot, or Phet as the Thai's say. Not just hot like a good Indian Curry, but bloody hot like eating red hot coals.

Chilli is eaten in some form with almost every Thai dish, large, mild and tasty chilli's right through to little bastard hot chilli's.

The sauce above we had in a Seafood restaurant in Pattaya, as you can see from the picture there are loads of whole garlic cloves, plenty of the little green hot chilli's and even more of the super hot small red chill's. Mix all this with some fish oil, let it ferment until its dangerous and you've a very hot dipping sauce.

It was so hot that I had trouble talking for a few minutes, my whole mouth felt numb. Even Nuch said it was hot!!!

Christmas is coming!

Most of you who know me, know that I always moan about how early the shops put up their christmas decorations and start to push the yuletide celebrations.

Thailand it seems is even worse!

Altough less than 2% of the population is Christian, the whole theme of christmas appeals to the Thai's it is mingled in with the New Year celebration which is very big over here. I've been assured that the decorations that sprung up over two weeks ago are more to do with the new year.

This I doubt, I cant think this of any new year celebration that includes christmas tree's and Herald Angels as in the photos.

I'm not sure what I will be doing at christmas, most likely we'll go to the coast and chill out.

Bangkok Life part 27

Driving it is the future. This week I broke my duck on driving in Thailand.

Because of my new found freedom, and the fact it was a long weekend I hired a car for the weekend. I hired a Toyota Vios which is the size of an old Ford Escort. The little 1.5 manual transmission car ha a bit of zip, but being as you never go very fast its a perfect car.
Any thoughts of abiding with the Highway Code should be forgot straight away. Flashing your light or sounding your horn means the opposite to the UK, it means your coming through, get out of the way. The roads are Freeways, so you can undertake and overtake at will. Unfortunately most Thai's dont seem to know what indicators are, so never use them. You will never be let into the flow of traffic and letting anyone into traffic means your not a true man! The first day I thought all Thai drivers were terrible, but then you have to realise that this is just a different style of driving.

On saturday we went to the Motor Show in Bangkok, there were the usual stands of new cars and loads of stands selling accessories. However the Thai's for some reason only charge a £1 to get in and the food was really cheap and good. I remember visiting the Motor Show at the NEC, £14 each to get in, £5 parking and £5 for a dry stale sandwich and a cup of dishwater. Anyway, without exception, every new car had a bevy of beautiful girls showing it off, these girls loved to have their photo taken. It made me want to buy the err, err, err I cant remember the make of car.

We also went to the coast on monday, most people were on holiday, it was Fathers Day, but more importantly The Anniversary of the Kings Accession. Thailand treat the King almost as a Demi-God, the respect is almost 100%, only a few kids who dont know better and will grow up one day, show disrespect. We took Nuch's Mum and Dad, grandma and two nephews to Bang Saen (Blog to follow shortly). Pleam, Nuchs two year old nephew as never seen the sea before, but he is fearless and literally dived in, which meant I had to jump in fully clothed to get him. He loved it.

No Guns

I saw this sign at a restaurant in Bang Saen. I suppose I should feel re-assured, but I don’t.

Obviously something as happened in the past that as warranted this sign! One can only think what it was.

Bangkok Life part 26

Yes that's right, i've been here six months. It was the best decision I have ever made.

My life as changed 100%, Thailand is such a different place to live, it is also the first time i've lived in a big city, and a capital at that.

Below i've listed the things that I miss the most about the UK;

1. Mates and Family
2. Good Indian Food
3. Marstons Pedigree
4. The countryside
5. Talking normal english

Mates and Family is obvious, you cant just make a phone call or turn up at someone's door to go out for a pint or go out for a meal. I knew this would happen, so I was ready for this one. Enoigh people have been over in recent times to keep me busy.

The problem with the food like Indian and Chinese is that it is to authentis, not the watered down westernised food I ate in the UK. The chinese food is almost indistinguishable from the food we eat in the UK, no sweet and sour anywhere!

Whilst Thai beer is really nice, at the end of the day its a lager. Again I think lager is great, but if it is all that you get to drink then you do miss a good pint of Bitter. I can get John Smiths and Guinness, but it is a good journey. Good wine is also very expensive and Champagne is prohibitively expensive.

The Thai countryside is very nice, but when you live in the city it is a big journey to get to proper countryside. Bangkok is probaly greener than most capital cities in the world but still not like walking up the Chevin.

Whilst Nuch and a couple more of my friends speak good to very good english, there is a difference speaking with them and with someone from England. You cant talk about Derby or the weather or about about everyday life in the UK. Also I can go the whole day without speaking English. In a way this is good, it makes me have to speak Thai.

According to Bhudda, everything as an opposite, the Yin Yang effect, below i've listed the things that I dont miss about the UK;

1. Pissheads & Hooligans
2. 17.5% VAT
3. Over inflated prices
4. Having to pay for other people out of my salary.
5. Bullshit Politics
6. The Weather
7. Speed Camara's

There are quite a few more, but I dont want to start offending people!!!

My life is really settling down to a normallity, my eBay work is expanding expedentially. I'm making more than a living wage from it now. Plus I have plans to expand it and maybe take someone on to help me. The going wage for help is around 8000bht (115) per month. Thats work on the side, which being as all Thai's hate to pay tax will be no problem to find someone.
This week I also drove for the first time since arriving. I've not been worried about driving in the hellish Bangkok Traffic, its been more the though of driving an automatic. Having always driven a manual car i've been dreading it. Guess What? Its a peice of piss. I loved it, now i'm after a car big time.
Next weekend Thailand as a long weekend because of the King's birthday, and the week after it is constitutional day, so another weekend.

Talk to you all soon, not so many posts now, i'm too busy doing some work.